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Hookani
Lokahi

232 Posts

Posted - 03/25/2010 :  10:14:45 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Give us some of your best.

A Portagee goes into a pharmacy and tells the clerk, "I like some
deodorant." "The ball kine?" inquired the clerk.



"No," replied the Portagee, "Da kine for under da arms."

Ke Kani Nahe
YouTube

wcerto
Ahonui

USA
5052 Posts

Posted - 03/25/2010 :  12:35:18 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Oh, Derek. You get Auntie rolling on da floor with dat one.

Da Hawaiian, Filipino and Pordagee was stuck on the top floor of a burning building. When the fire department arrives, they immediately hold out a safety net for the victims to jump down on. So da' Hawaiian and da' Filipino go for it and jump to safety.

But da' Podagee refuses to jump. Da CUTE Ocean Kaowili yells up to him, "sir please get over your fears and jump or we can't help you!". Da Pordagee yells back, "No way brah! I not going jump until you put da' net down on da' ground first!".

Me ke aloha
Malama pono,
Wanda
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Retro
Ahonui

USA
2368 Posts

Posted - 03/25/2010 :  12:47:56 PM  Show Profile  Visit Retro's Homepage  Reply with Quote
Stolen from Kamaka Brown:

An old, blind Filipino man wanders into a bar. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender: "Hey, you wanna hear one Portagee joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a quiet voice, the guy next to him says, "before you tell that joke, Tata, I think it is only fair, considering that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a Portagee with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a Portagee ex-football player.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound Portagee with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is Portagee and a professional weightlifter.
5. The guy to your right is Portagee and just got out of jail for killing a man.

Now, think about it seriously, Tata. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind Filipino thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters:
"No...nut if I have to explain it five times."
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wcerto
Ahonui

USA
5052 Posts

Posted - 03/25/2010 :  1:30:01 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Retro, you mean...PIFE times?

Me ke aloha
Malama pono,
Wanda
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Hookani
Lokahi

232 Posts

Posted - 03/25/2010 :  2:26:53 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Mary and her friend were talking one day. The friend said her boyfriend had
a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Head and Shoulders" and the
problem had cleared. Mary asked inquisitively, "How do you give shoulders

Ke Kani Nahe
YouTube

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Hookani
Lokahi

232 Posts

Posted - 03/25/2010 :  2:29:18 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
A Portagee decided to commit suicide by hanging himself from a tree in the
park. Two days later, a man was walking his dog and spotted him hanging from
the tree. He asked the Portagee what he was doing and he replied, "I'm
hanging myself. "You're supposed to put the noose around your neck,
not your waist," said the onlooker. "I already tried dat," replied the
Portagee, "but I couldn't breathe."

Ke Kani Nahe
YouTube

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Peter Medeiros
`Olu`olu

546 Posts

Posted - 03/25/2010 :  3:53:44 PM  Show Profile  Visit Peter Medeiros's Homepage  Reply with Quote
Nowdaze kenna go do da wave at da stadium. Dis pas legislative session, da senate wen go pass won bill banning da people from doing da wave in da stands at Aloha Stadium durin UH football games lidat yeah 'coz alla da portagees waz goin drown.
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sirduke58
`Olu`olu

USA
993 Posts

Posted - 03/25/2010 :  3:59:17 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
From Frank Delima......

Manuel comes home unexpectedly early from work to catch his wife in bed with another man.He pulls out a gun and aims it at his head. Manuel's wife screams "Manuel please stop, please don't do it!!!!" Manuel replies "No worry you tramp ,you next!!!!"

Hoof Hearted?...Was it you Stu Pedaso?

Edited by - sirduke58 on 03/25/2010 4:04:19 PM
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Peter Medeiros
`Olu`olu

546 Posts

Posted - 03/25/2010 :  4:27:58 PM  Show Profile  Visit Peter Medeiros's Homepage  Reply with Quote
Dis iz won old one.

Had tree loco guyz one japanee guy, one haole guy and won portagee guy. One time dey wen go out fishing on won boat and dey wen go get shipwreck on won desert island, da kine wid only won coconut tree. But had plany white crab.

Long time dey go ste ova dea. No mo hardly any food an wada , jus what dey can catch wid da fishing gia and wen da rain ste come. Dey get all skinny, dey sunburn, get long hea anden beard. One day won magic lantern wen go wash up on da shore. Da japanee guy go findem and go tell da udda to guyz what he wen go find.

Dey go ax "eh brada az won magic lantern oa wot?" He go tell "I dunno? I goin chancem an givem da rub."

He rubs da lantern and sure enuff won genie comes outa of da lantern. Da genie spoks da japanee guy and says "Your wish iz my command, but I can only give you one wish."

Da japanee guy says " Oh I miss my family and home da musubi wid ume . I like go home. Daz my wish. I like go home."

Poof! Da japanee guy disappears anden goes home. Da genie disappears back into da lantern.

Da Haole guy sees dat anden grabs da lantern fo rub an get won wish from da genie.

He go rubem, da lantern.

Da genie comes out anden tells da haole guy da same ting he wen go tell da japanee guy. "I can only give you one wish and your wish is my command."

Ho da haole guy like go home too he misses his girlfrend lidat yeah. He go tell da genie he like go home too.

Poof! Da haole guy goes back home. Da genie goes back into da lantern.

Da portagee guyz turn fo ax fo one wish. he go rub da lantern. Da genie come out ax him wot iz hiz wish.

Da portagee guy ste tinking fo won long time. Den he turns to da genie and says "I miss da udda two guyz. I wish dey waz here."

Poof!

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thumbstruck
Ahonui

USA
2104 Posts

Posted - 03/25/2010 :  5:34:19 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Portagee dat walks barefoot on da beach: Santos

Portagee dat sleeps in his vehicle: Cardoza

Edited by - thumbstruck on 03/25/2010 5:35:40 PM
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wcerto
Ahonui

USA
5052 Posts

Posted - 03/26/2010 :  03:12:10 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Braddah Ed one smaht ess wise guy. Hah - he tink I dat much Pordagee? Nah! Hah - I get moa smahts. I oni honorary pordagee princess. So I oni had to scroll part way down the page. Hah, watchu teek now smaht guy? Hah? Hah?

Me ke aloha
Malama pono,
Wanda
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wcerto
Ahonui

USA
5052 Posts

Posted - 03/26/2010 :  03:18:29 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
An jus for show Braddah Ed, Pordagee not so dumb:

Pordagee Construction Job
A Honolulu construction site boss was interviewing men for a job, when along came a Pordagee. I’m not hiring any Pordagees, the foreman thought to himself, so he made up a test to avoid hiring the Pordagee without getting into an argument.

“Here’s your first question,” the foreman said. “Without using numbers, represent the number 9.”

“Without numbers?” The Pordagee says. “Das easy,” and proceeds to draw three trees.

“What’s this?” the boss asks.

“What, you no mo one brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine,” says the Pordagee.

“Fair enough,” says the boss. “Here is your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99.”

The Pordagee stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. “Hea you go.”

Me ke aloha
Malama pono,
Wanda
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Peter Medeiros
`Olu`olu

546 Posts

Posted - 03/26/2010 :  1:47:52 PM  Show Profile  Visit Peter Medeiros's Homepage  Reply with Quote
From a classmate of mine/

The Moloka'i Swimming Race

There was a swimming competition to cross the Moloka'i channel doing only the breaststroke and one Hawaiian woman, one Japanese woman and one Pordagee woman entered the race.

After approximately twenty hours, the first woman staggered on the shore and was declared the fastest breaststroker. About forty minutes later, the second woman crawled up on the shore and was declared the second place finisher.

Nearly four hours after that the Pordagee woman finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried spectators.

The reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the race, and she replied, "Oh you know, I no like complain, but I tink da oddah two wahine wen use dea arms!"
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wcerto
Ahonui

USA
5052 Posts

Posted - 03/26/2010 :  2:23:54 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Oh my Petah, the visual in my mind, make me laugh!

Me ke aloha
Malama pono,
Wanda
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wcerto
Ahonui

USA
5052 Posts

Posted - 03/26/2010 :  2:38:33 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Kent Bowman: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=okDAHbmZSKc
Rap: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2otNp4Ms0rg

Me ke aloha
Malama pono,
Wanda
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Hookani
Lokahi

232 Posts

Posted - 03/26/2010 :  3:19:12 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
A Hawaiian, Japanese and Portagee went exploring in an old house. While
looking around they found a mirror, which had an inscription on the side
that said "Welcome, say something truthful, you will be awarded with a wish.
But, be warned, for if you say something false, you will be sucked into the
mirror to live in a void of nothingness for all eternity!"

The Japanese walked up to the mirror and said, "I think I'm the smartest of us three,"
and in an instant he was surrounded by money.

The Hawaiian stepped up and said, "I tink I stay the strongest of us three," and he suddenly
found the keys to a brand new Silverado in his hands.

Excited over the possibility of having a wish come true, the Portagee looked into the
mirror and said, "I think..." and was promptly sucked into the mirror.

Ke Kani Nahe
YouTube

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